it was at planet fitness, i thought; pah, its just two hours. how hard can it be?
i was so wrong. the first course/lesson thing was what they called Combat Yoga. its basically Yoga, but a bit more fast paced, with some kick boxing elements added in. like: [quote instructor]
Let me see your cobra, okay, swing your left leg forward, warrior stance, and.. guard. okay ready. right leg forward, do this: (demonstrates) right jab, cross, jab, round house. good. repeat.. 4 more counts. 2 more to go, one last one, and.. warrior.
etcetc. it was harsh enough. holding yourself in said stances are amazingly difficult. for example, let me show you an illustration of the different poses we had to hold. try them. then you'll understand.
This is the Bow Pose. basically, you lie flat, pull your legs up, then grab it with your hands. then you lift up your chest and your knees, while trying to hold your thighs together. good luck. this is a hard one.
This is the Warrior Pose. looks easy? try it. whichever leg is behind you, its heel may not touch the ground. it may be easy at first, but we had to hold it for a loong time. try it. no cheating, hold your arms straight over your head, close to your ears.
this is the Triangle Pose. i don't know why they call it the triangle pose. it doesnt even look like a triangle. anyway, you get here form your warrior pose. basically, your hands come forward (thats a relief) then you touch the floor/ankle/shin, depending on whether you have hamstrings, then turn to a side, bringing one hand up straight above your head. yup. hold your hand there again.
ah. the half moon. this is not easy at all. from your triangle, while holding your arm in the air, twiddle forward. (yes, twiddle. i dont know what that means, it just sounds right.) twiddle forward until your floor arm is in front of you. for normal people who have hamstrings, you can bend your leg. then, slowly lift up your back leg such that you are balancing on a foot and a hand. hold it there for 10 more counts.
This is the Warrior Pose. looks easy? try it. whichever leg is behind you, its heel may not touch the ground. it may be easy at first, but we had to hold it for a loong time. try it. no cheating, hold your arms straight over your head, close to your ears.
this is the Triangle Pose. i don't know why they call it the triangle pose. it doesnt even look like a triangle. anyway, you get here form your warrior pose. basically, your hands come forward (thats a relief) then you touch the floor/ankle/shin, depending on whether you have hamstrings, then turn to a side, bringing one hand up straight above your head. yup. hold your hand there again.
ah. the half moon. this is not easy at all. from your triangle, while holding your arm in the air, twiddle forward. (yes, twiddle. i dont know what that means, it just sounds right.) twiddle forward until your floor arm is in front of you. for normal people who have hamstrings, you can bend your leg. then, slowly lift up your back leg such that you are balancing on a foot and a hand. hold it there for 10 more counts.
Alas, now that you're done, do the whole thing all over again, but for the other side. i.e right instead of left.
so had enough of combat yoga yet? okay. on to boot camp. yes, thats what the class is called. its called boot camp, and it is nothing like a boot camp. (boot camps are easier.)
The class starts out with you marching on the spot, and to emphasize how difficult the program is, i will include a log of what the instructor says, along with my thoughts.
ready? go.
(Club mix song is heard with a steady beat)
Over-Enthusiastic Instructor (OEI): "Okay hello everyone, welcome to boot camp. lets go, march, on the spot. go!"
I begin to march, arms stiffly by my side, to the beat of the song
OEI: "eh c'mon lah. swing your arms enthu abit leh, this is not the army!"
I continue to march, arms still by my side, limp.
OEI:(to class)" okay ready step touch, go!"
Me(Thinking):"whats a step touch?"
everyone else is a regular, so they start step touching.
Me: ah, there you go, step touches. (step touches are wear you step your right leg to the right, touch it with your left foot, bring your left leg to the left, touch with your right foot, repeat.)
OEI: (in time with the song) "aaand march.. (time lapse) aand step touch. (time lapse) aaaand... march on the spot, ready, steps,"
at this point we step up and down a "step" that we previously placed infront of us. its like an artificial staircase step, so we can do step ups.
OEI starts counting, i.e: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 step, 1,2,3, march 5,6,7, step... etc. alternating between stepping, marching, and step touching.
at this point, OEI's enthusiasm has caught on to me and i think. hey, boot camp isnt so tough, look i can do what you can do!!! and i start smiling and stepping and bouncing to the beat. i continue to think: see? good music makes anything bearable. then i think hey, boot camp is fun!
i almost continue to think of more ways to emphasize how fun boot camp is, but i am interrupted by the OEI.
OEI: okay everyone ready, and left leg on the step, and single squats go!
at this point, we all put one leg on our raised steps, and do squats
8 squats later, i think wow. that was intersting, whats next? and i begin to get off the step,
OEI: bottom half!
everyone stays on the steps and does half squats. no, half squats are not easier. bottom half means this: okay. uh. let me teach you how to do it. its easier that way.find a slightly raised surface, put one leg on it, do a squat, but not all the way down. just half way down, choosing a point whereby it is moth uncomfortable and unnatural to stay in. this is your go-to point. from here, do squats, but don't go back to the fully standing position, only half squat from your go-to point, down, go-to point, down. etc.
i join in. and i realise: JESUS CHRIST THIS IS HARD.
after 8 counts (btw, for the half squats, and essentially all half manouvers, each count is twice as long and we spend more time in our go-to point.)
OEI: "single squats! carry on, 2nd set!"
back to single squats
ME(thinking): WHY ARENT WE DONE YET?
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!
8 counts later
OEI: 2 more sets, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!
8 counts later
OEI: Last set, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!!!1!
8 counts later
ME: (thinking) FINALLY
OEI: Right heel off the ground, aaaand, SQUAT!
here, we do this really painful thing, where we do standard squats ( with the exception of the left leg on the raised platform) but standing on the tips of your toes on your right foot. this really hurts. try following this.
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF
(yes, we do the half squat for this too. keep that heel in the air.)
8 counts later
OEI: 3 more sets, and SINGLE SQUATS!! keep that heel in the air, do not break your momentum! Just imagine you wearing high heels! for the guys can only imagine lah, unless you got wear before, lol
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF
8 counts later
OEI: 2 more sets, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!
8 counts later
OEI: Last set, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!!!1!
8 counts later
ME: OHMYGODWHYDIDITAKETHECLASSMYCALFISBURNINGHALPMEPLZOMGWHY
OEI: Aaaand, hold that squat (stay in go-to point)
OEI: okay, alternate heels!
this is where we hold that half squat, and alternate which heel goes up or down.
OEI: Aaand, right leg on the step!
here we repeat the whole thing, right down to the alternate heel part, all for the other leg. so, following me so far?
(timelapse)
OEI: okay! BOTH HEELS UP!
ME: dies.
OEI: and SQUAT
yes. we do 4 sets of squats and half squats for that too.
timelapse
my god, i'm bored. are you bored? did you try it? if you did, you prolly can't read this. prolly lying on the floor somewhere. any way, after that, we did some arm muscle thing involving resistance belts, which also involved 4 sets of singles and halfs times 5 multiplied by both sides plus extra and another type which i can't remember because i think i was half conscious.
but dinner was worth it.
oh god i can still taste the pasta. but that, thats another story. come back tomorrow, i'll tell you about the pasta.
so had enough of combat yoga yet? okay. on to boot camp. yes, thats what the class is called. its called boot camp, and it is nothing like a boot camp. (boot camps are easier.)
The class starts out with you marching on the spot, and to emphasize how difficult the program is, i will include a log of what the instructor says, along with my thoughts.
ready? go.
(Club mix song is heard with a steady beat)
Over-Enthusiastic Instructor (OEI): "Okay hello everyone, welcome to boot camp. lets go, march, on the spot. go!"
I begin to march, arms stiffly by my side, to the beat of the song
OEI: "eh c'mon lah. swing your arms enthu abit leh, this is not the army!"
I continue to march, arms still by my side, limp.
OEI:(to class)" okay ready step touch, go!"
Me(Thinking):"whats a step touch?"
everyone else is a regular, so they start step touching.
Me: ah, there you go, step touches. (step touches are wear you step your right leg to the right, touch it with your left foot, bring your left leg to the left, touch with your right foot, repeat.)
OEI: (in time with the song) "aaand march.. (time lapse) aand step touch. (time lapse) aaaand... march on the spot, ready, steps,"
at this point we step up and down a "step" that we previously placed infront of us. its like an artificial staircase step, so we can do step ups.
OEI starts counting, i.e: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 step, 1,2,3, march 5,6,7, step... etc. alternating between stepping, marching, and step touching.
at this point, OEI's enthusiasm has caught on to me and i think. hey, boot camp isnt so tough, look i can do what you can do!!! and i start smiling and stepping and bouncing to the beat. i continue to think: see? good music makes anything bearable. then i think hey, boot camp is fun!
i almost continue to think of more ways to emphasize how fun boot camp is, but i am interrupted by the OEI.
OEI: okay everyone ready, and left leg on the step, and single squats go!
at this point, we all put one leg on our raised steps, and do squats
8 squats later, i think wow. that was intersting, whats next? and i begin to get off the step,
OEI: bottom half!
everyone stays on the steps and does half squats. no, half squats are not easier. bottom half means this: okay. uh. let me teach you how to do it. its easier that way.find a slightly raised surface, put one leg on it, do a squat, but not all the way down. just half way down, choosing a point whereby it is moth uncomfortable and unnatural to stay in. this is your go-to point. from here, do squats, but don't go back to the fully standing position, only half squat from your go-to point, down, go-to point, down. etc.
i join in. and i realise: JESUS CHRIST THIS IS HARD.
after 8 counts (btw, for the half squats, and essentially all half manouvers, each count is twice as long and we spend more time in our go-to point.)
OEI: "single squats! carry on, 2nd set!"
back to single squats
ME(thinking): WHY ARENT WE DONE YET?
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!
8 counts later
OEI: 2 more sets, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!
8 counts later
OEI: Last set, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!!!1!
8 counts later
ME: (thinking) FINALLY
OEI: Right heel off the ground, aaaand, SQUAT!
here, we do this really painful thing, where we do standard squats ( with the exception of the left leg on the raised platform) but standing on the tips of your toes on your right foot. this really hurts. try following this.
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF
(yes, we do the half squat for this too. keep that heel in the air.)
8 counts later
OEI: 3 more sets, and SINGLE SQUATS!! keep that heel in the air, do not break your momentum! Just imagine you wearing high heels! for the guys can only imagine lah, unless you got wear before, lol
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF
8 counts later
OEI: 2 more sets, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!
8 counts later
OEI: Last set, and SINGLE SQUAT!
8 counts later
OEI: BOTTOM HALF!!!1!
8 counts later
ME: OHMYGODWHYDIDITAKETHECLASSMYCALFISBURNINGHALPMEPLZOMGWHY
OEI: Aaaand, hold that squat (stay in go-to point)
OEI: okay, alternate heels!
this is where we hold that half squat, and alternate which heel goes up or down.
OEI: Aaand, right leg on the step!
here we repeat the whole thing, right down to the alternate heel part, all for the other leg. so, following me so far?
(timelapse)
OEI: okay! BOTH HEELS UP!
ME: dies.
OEI: and SQUAT
yes. we do 4 sets of squats and half squats for that too.
timelapse
my god, i'm bored. are you bored? did you try it? if you did, you prolly can't read this. prolly lying on the floor somewhere. any way, after that, we did some arm muscle thing involving resistance belts, which also involved 4 sets of singles and halfs times 5 multiplied by both sides plus extra and another type which i can't remember because i think i was half conscious.
but dinner was worth it.
oh god i can still taste the pasta. but that, thats another story. come back tomorrow, i'll tell you about the pasta.
7 comments:
AHAHAHAAHAH BEZNER! DID YOU SRSLY DO ALL THAT?! OMG!!!!! AND I THOUGHT OF JOINING YOGA CLASSES HAHAHAHA OMG! I TOTALLY CANT IMAGINE YOU DOING IT!! HAHAHAHAHA!! IT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ALIKE ACES DAY! HAHAHHAHA! NO AMOUNT OF PASTA WOULD HAVE BROUGHT ME THERE! LOL!
uncannily aces.
wow, thats totally new. combat yoga sounds fun
good for you !!! hahahaha.
SEriously, it's good for u :-)
Now u are scaring all your friends. sOUNDS LIKE CHILD ABUSE BY MUMMY
What about me starting a new class just for you n your buddies?
Promise after a few months of training with me, you all will be ready for full marathon next year!
Good job ! keep it up ! U 'll be really sore the next day.If u have a chance to join me for a 100 miles bike ride, I guess there will be a much longer list to write. Hahaha..
HAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!1!PWNED!!!!!!!!!
It's so fun reading this...really LOL..I just wish I was there to see you do all this, I can nearly visualize your facial expression...aiya..should ask your mummy to video tape that session!
Post a Comment